Landing in Australia

Apparently I had been in Korea too long- so long in fact that I forgot how to communicate properly. At the airport, on the plane, at the coffee stand, the hostel and even the restaurants- answering in Korean and nodding my head in agreement when being offered just about anything.

I bowed to every  one  after having been given directions or change. I was in Austrlia- but my brain had adapated to responding in Korean ways.

These Korean customary responses quickly went away as the week progressed and we realized we could actually ask for just about anything minus the charades.

Australia was beyond words. The beaches, the eateries, the bars. The scenery, people and tours- but the best of all was the surplus of gorgeous men (they were everywhere). Having been in Korea for 6 months going down under was a jolt to our synapses- the sight of attractive men was at times almost to much to bear.

But not too much.... Ill kiss and tell you later!

Going Down Under

Australia: the Land Down Under.    Ever since Keaunu and Patrick Swayze paddled out to sea in Point Break, I've wanted to head out there.  There is something about the beckoning of the beach, the surf, the amazing wildlife and of course, let's not forget that damn sexy accent.
This trip that I am about to go on has been on the LIST  for some time now and while I'm at it I plan to scratch off a few other items too.  The first item is learn how to surf.  I don't expect to master the craft in two short lessons- but let's be honest- I'm totally hoping the instructor is hot. Who cares if I wipeout  EVERY single time!!

In preperation for this trip of a lifetime- I decided to do some surfer and aussie slang re-search to brush up on some local lingo to help me fit in. I plan on flirting it up, so maybe if I throw these words around  I'll be sure to catch someone's attention and feelin' right at home.

I figure these few key words should help me survive (thanks to riptionary.com)

1.Ace- Excellent - Very Good
2.Boozer- Pub
3.Bummer- Something that's an all around downer; precursor to bummed.
4.Cab-Sav - Cabernet Sauvignion
5.Dude- General reference to a male surfer. It's use has evolved into a word used for just about anyone or anything.
6.G'day-Traditional Australian salutation, used by surfer and non-surfer alike.
7.Gnar- Crazy. Same thing as gnarly but sounds better.
8.Slammed-The result of when a wave comes down hard, knocks you off your board and drills you deep.
9.Ta- short form for saying Good-bye
10. Wax eater-Someone who nose dives all the time and slides across the nose of their board!!
11. Wipeout-Falling off the surfboard. Totally loose it and get pummeled by the wave.

It will be an action packed two weeks, and I plan to avoid numbers 8, 10 and 11 at all costs. But for those of you who know me- guaranteed I need some sort of medical service on this trip! I'll be sure to keep a careful record of all my extra curricular activities!

Only the Lonely

I never expected to still be single at thirty. If you had asked me at sixteen, I  would have told you that by thirty (which was then considered very old),  I would have already paraded down the aisle swadlled in an elegant wedding gown, and  had a home filled with children by now.

There are days when the thoughts of being perpetually single plague and consume me. The rest of the time, I find myself eternally grateful for the years that have that passed on my own. Being single has awarded with me the time to wonder, dream and discover myself.

I've had the opportunity to really look within and figure out what I enjoy and truly love. Without the beckoning of a partner, with whom we often lose sight of ourselves- I've really plunged deep within to live a life I love.

When my insanely toxic relationship of four years finally came to an explosive end, the fear set in.  I wondered how I would ever be alone. I couldn't be alone. But slowly I began mending myself, working things out and found peace.

I've relished in  my alone time, knowing that one day I'll be thankful for the quiet time. I've rediscovered my passion for writing and creating. I've pursued my dreams. I've learned what I like and what I despise. I've found solace in writing, yoga-ing and meditation. I've found joy in cooking (eating) and as much as I fight  it some days- working out. I've committed to paper what I want to accomplish, where I want to go, what I want to do and what I really do want in a partner (I'm a perpetual list maker).

What I can tell you is that with all this alone time (especially during the week here in Korea)  the worry and fear begins to seep in, which eventually turns into minor panic. Have I been alone too long?  Are my expectations too high? Will I ever fall in love again (before I'm sixty)?

There was a time when the thought of being romantically involved caused a wrenching that I can  not quite explain. The thought of heart ache and pain threw me off. But it's been awhile now and  a little romance would be most welcome. I've felt with a certain authority that I've been ready to blend my love for life and a man for some time now. I'm ready to compliment my life. The problem is that he just hasn't shown up. Yet. 

All alone for Christmas

For the first time in my life, it really doesn't feel like Christmas time at all. Downtown Daegu is lined with a few Christmas trees full of twinkling lights and sparkling decorations- carols can be heard as you wander past the rows of shops- bakeries present beautiful sweet treats in the windows... but the Christmas cheer is far from home.

This year, as I celebrate Christmas a little differently in the land of the morning calm- I realize that even though I may be "alone" for Christmas, miles away from family and friends- I am not completely alone. For those of us who find ourselves in Korea for Christmas we have gathered around and made new Christmas memories. There may not be any chestnuts roasting on an open fire, snowflakes streaming from the skies or gifts under the tree- but we do have new friendships to toast to.

For the past 30 years Christmas has been spent dashing from one house to the other, lugging gifts, and indulging in one meal after another. This year I have avoided Christmas crowds; gift lists; trimming the tree; wrapping; packaging; cooking; baking; cleaning; driving; de-decorating the tree, and weeks vacuuming up the remnants of the pine scented tree (the most dreaded of holiday activities) that have made up my Christmas ritual year after year.

Although I am rejoicing in the fact that this year I have managed to escape the Christmas craziness- there is something to be said for celebrating the real spirit of Christmas.

Nothing feels more like Christmas than to have friends and family dropping in, the joy and laughter that comes with gathering around the tree; giving and receiving presents and toasting to the holidays. Despite all my delight to the no stress approach this year, I think I would trade it all in just to be home for the holidays.

One's a Company

Having moved out out of the comfort of my family home and on my own at the age of 22 - I've had my fair share of living arrangements. Looking back, I probably should have stayed at home until I at least finished University - saved some cash and built a comfortable stash of bills.

But with choices come experiences. For eight years, I lived on my own, well not entirely on my own.. I of course as so many have had to do , I've shared accommodations with other people.

Roommates came and went as the years went by: and so did my sanity. My first apartment was with a girlfriend, we lived together for a few years. We shared laughter, some tears and of course a few fights (I'm happy to report we are still talking). I've shared with a man who didn't want to clean because he argued that he did not contribute to the dust and grime. He also refused to split the purchase of toilet paper claiming he didn't use as much as females. He was also a bar tender- and quite the ladies man! We had a younger male who rejoiced in his cleaning skills, but never laid a hand on any of the supplies- he also blessed us with a cat in heat. Some of my best years were spent with two girlfriends- but as life went on they moved on with their lives. My last two years were spent with a male who hid from me- he stole my food, was late on bills and nearly caused me a serious mental breakdown.

There was no better time to leave my apartment after eight years and move on with my own life. The first few weeks living on my own were bliss. You can eat, clean, vedge, watch whatever you want and even dance around naked. But being on your own slowly loses it's appeal. I know one day, I will look back on this alone time as a god-send- but there are days when it gets pretty lonely. Sometimes, I catch myself talking to no one, and once I actually caught myself talking to an inanimate object.

There is something to be said for sharing living space with others- even if you think you're going to go mad. There is a comfort in interpersonal relationships even if you're not romantically involved. For now, I'll just have to be content with my own company- but two's company is just that much better.

"We"

We've all known those couples who flaunt their relationships. Those that are in-your-face about being a "we". The ones who can't keep their hands off each other... the ones who can't be without their significant other for more than 5 minutes and let everyone else in the room know about it. The ones with pet names and the ones who actually use the cutsey-wutsey tags in every sentence imaginable. You know... the ones that make us singletons want to be sick.

It seems everyone here is in a couple. I mean the Korean ones. With almost 49 million people to choose from- it seems there really are plenty of fish in the sea. Dating Korean couples are slightly more different than those we are accustomed to in North America (as noted above). They have taken the "we" to another level entirely.

Most Koreans in dating relationships advertise their couple hood- with clothes. Couples walk around in matching shirts- dress shirts, sweatshirts, t-shirts and I've even witnessed some sporting the same jackets and a few with matching shoes.

The stores here cater to this like cotton candy vendors at the fair. Matching cell phones, pyjamas and even underwear.

I'm not sure how well this concept would fly back home- but for now it's all around me. Repeat this mantra: it's not wrong, it's just different.

A few good dates...

Along the way, in between the years seperating my two biggest relationships- I have to say I have experienced some of the most interesting dates. Here is a selection that didn't make it past date 1. Let's face it, I just wasn't into him either!

Age 21- Date: The Love Bite- While casually enjoying some ice cream one fine summer evening, the guy actually bit my right upper arm. Alarmed, and choking back on my cone, I turned and glared at him, as his teeth pulled off my skin. "Did you just bite me?" I demanded. He stuttered a bit, and tried to explain- he informed me that it was a love bite. No big deal. I don't care what kind of bite it was- you don't bite someone on a first date... I gently requested that he take me home.

Age 25- Date: The Flexer- During a casual meal at a fabulous eatery, the man I was enjoying conversation with, placed his hands in back of his head, clasped his fingers and flexed his biceps in 10 minute intervals. I thought maybe he had a tick- but let's be honest- we weren't working out.

Age 27- Date: The Alcoholic- This guy's eyes were glued to the big screen as the Canadians flew up and down the ice. He downed 3 rum and cokes within ten minutes and without talking would often glance at me and shake his head. After about 20 minutes, he nervously looked around, and demanded to know where my boyfriend was. Over and over again. I made a quick phone call, and made a mad dash.

Age 28- Date: The Real Estate Agent- Enjoying a relaxing lunch, with a few spirits- and listening to him talk about himself incessantly for over an hour, he insisted he drive me to my car. Most obliging I accepted his invitation seeing as my car was about 20 blocks away. Once strapped, he informed me he had to make a quick pit stop. Turns out he needed to show a condo to prospective buyers, and brought me along for the tour. Awkward.

Age 29-Date: The Way too Metro- The guy had more rings on than I did, and drank his beer with two hands, pinky's pointing out. Seriously?

As I review some of these engrossing scenarios- I question whether some of my dating experiences are getting worse over time? In retrospect, I probably could have given the love biter a second chance! Are there any normal guys out there? I'm just asking for one good date, maybe even a few.

The Signs

Over the years I've learned that no matter how old we are we always look for the signs. Whether we tell ourselves that we don't believe or whether we whole heartedly let the world know- as single women we tend to scrutinize, investigate and read into every move the male species makes. We then re-hash the screnario over and over, cross our fingers and hope for the best.


The other day, I took a 15 year old out for a chat and within minutes of our meeting, I sensed she was eager to tell me something very important. She nervously sat facing me. She was beaming. Without hestitation, she spilled the only thing that was on her mind. "I like James, " she said. Still grinning she informed me that she had smiled at him during gym class, and that he had smiled back. She wrapped both hands around her blizzard, glanced downward in a sheepish gaze and said matter of factly, "he smiled and looked away". She lingered on my response, waiting to hear my words of wisdom; awaiting my years of experience on the subject. "Do you think that's a sign?" , she asked. I couldn't help but laugh to myself, as I myself had pondered the same question only 4 hours earlier. I guess age has no limit on questioning the signs.

Whether we're single at 15 or 30 we replay the smile, glance, word selection and inflection over and over and over in our minds. When someone catches our fancy, we hope the connection is real and that the signs are not just a figment of our imgainations. In the end, I think we all just want the signs to be there, to prove that love really does exist.

One day the signs will be there and I'll be waiting.

And then there were two...

I have been blessed with an extensive circle of friends. 20 close girls that I see now and then, and in some way have been graciously a part of my life.  In our early twenties, only a handful of of the girls were in serious dating relationships. Most of us were single, and easing in and out of non- commital relationships. I attended my first wedding at 23. I remember it so vividly, it was my best friends older sister and for the first time I got to experience the exchange of vows. It was beautiful.  At 24, a few more of the girls met their true matches, and the singletons were becoming outnumbered. At 25, WHAM. One after the other, engagement announcements spread like wild fire.  When  I saw my first girlfriend to walk the aisle- I knew then and there that the rest would jump on the band wagon. And so 6 engagements, 6 showers, 2 weddings on the way, 3 baby showers and 2 divorces later, I look around at the circle and realize that the single gals are almost obsolete. The rest have nestled sweetly into the throws of love and although coined "single" they're not up for the running. Last night, one more was taken off the block, and so that leaves two. Two single ladies. 

I have always been genuinely excited and delighted to hear of my friend's bliss. Okay I do admit that some times envy has creeped into my actions, like  the time I had a momentary lapse in judgement  the last time I went to the wedding registry, and blew up at the sales associate because it was the 18th trip to the store in a matter of a few years, and I was disgruntled at being unable to select my own wedding gifts.  I felt horrible, but shook it off as human behavior. We are entitled to being envious once in awhile.

As I look on towards the future, I know that day will come for me too. Im secretly wishing it wont be in my fifties- but as I gather my pride and stroll through life with a smile, I realize that it ain't so bad being one of the last of my kind.  

The Flirt

Flirting: a form of human interaction between two people, expressing a romantic and/or sexual interest. Usually consisting of conversation,body language or brief physical contact. It may be one sided or reciprocated.

For me it's neither. Its simply disastrous. Having been in two long term relationships, my flirting skills were never really activated. Flirting was not required. The men came to me.

Fast forward a little, and now at 29, free from the destructive vices of my last relationship, here I am. Utterly and completely happy with my life, and ready to seriously start dating again. After some thoughtful soul searching; I know what I want in a man. I know what I am attracted to and what gets me excited. I'm taking a different approach this time around. Im going after what I want.

So I embarked on a mission about 3 months ago. To brush up on my flirting skills, pick a target and make it happen. When faced with the pivotal flirting moment, one has two flirting choices. (1) the sexy and confident approach, (i.e make direct eye contact or have "just the right thing to say"), or (2) my approach (i.e tripping, blundering and muttering random nonsensical sentences).

I began to see the pattern, and most importantly I was quickly learning that I wasn't a very good flirt at all. I trudged onward, not abandoning my mission, and yet the end results were always the same. Take yesterday's blunder as a prime example. Enter hot guy. They say timing is everything. As I walked through a hallway only a clear glass door separated the two of us. It was absolutely the perfect opportunity to introduce myself. It would have been the perfect time to confidently hold out my hand, introduce myself, throw in a hair twirl and even perhaps a flash of pearly whites. Right at that moment, that pivotal moment when both of our hands were on the handle, it jammed on my side and my shoulder dove into the door, leaving the left side of my face smeared on the glass pane in pursuit. He smiled. My two choices flashed before my eyes. I knew I could recover from this mishap, shake it off and start over. Instead, I muttered some ridiculus thing. A twitchy grin spread across my face and he walked on. Perfect.

So, as I span the lessons learned over the past ten years, I get it. Some women are just really good at flirting, they have a natural talent and ability to capture a man's attention and let it be known that they're interested- leading to reciprocal desire. The rest of us ain't so lucky- I'm still holding out for the man who finds my flirting skills irresistibly sexy.